A note for the years to come by.

I feel like I've lost all with this year gone.
So much happened.
Good, bad.
I tasted success.
I failed.
I'll try again.
I met you.
Then I became all lost.
So lost,that I was in the verge of loosing myself.
I miss my friends.
Our small parties we enjoyed.
I'm so emotional right now that I can't even make all this ryhm.
All here and there.
My life is a mess at the end of this year.
I'll collect all though.
Every peice of what I've lost within me.
And my new years resolution is i'll keep my blog alive.
Bye Bye 2016.
I'll read this later and see what has become of me in  years to come by.

P.S : hope it makes sense to the one who made me learn to care only about what matters and not what dosen't.

Definining myself...

My mother  is my favourite..

May be i'll never be emotional again.
May be I've cried for the last time.
Wealth sucks, so does poverty.

And music i'll still listen to.
It might mean something else from now on. 
It's neither too late nor too soon.
Trust me I've had all my options.
I love myself a bit more than anybody else in this world.
I may take time.
I may struggle and fail.
I may fall few times before I learn.

May be i'll never find another love.
I was born on. Ya  you'll never know it.
And ya I take nothing  for free.
I forgive.
I love.
I don't believe in growing followers.
I believe in following.
I believe in one god.
It's difficult to give a message from here.

I'm a different me all the time.
I'm here there, everywhere.
Everything is for me.
Everything is for you.

Olympics is the worst it can get.
I appreciate sports but hate politicians.
Mr.  Narendra Modi is the best the world can get.
Us elections is the least I'm interested in.

News is gossip.
Don't make a profession out of it.

Don't use plastic at all, rest will fall in place.
Protect the wild.
Help the needy.
Feel the pain of others first.

Don't run over fame or money.
Don't judge me coz I'm saying exactly what I mean right now.

I might say it to show dummy sometimes, but not now.
I think the master of oracle is dual.
So it has a  round building.
Comma and full.

It's okay if papa's girl ain't dreaming today. She's done dreaming.

@sia your  songs are awesome!

Lol
looks like twitter is crying.

I ain't looking though, my instincts are awesome!

Love for  my family.

I wish I had a better version of the  phone I'm using. This  sucks.

And  girls are girls. Also can have valid account on twitter. Don't have to have trust issues all the time.

Am I reading my mind for the first time in my life?
I have so much stuff to share.
*Maa kasam khatam hi nai ho raha*

(I don't have internet connection today in my phone. I'll share it definitely but promise )

*sharing today*

Hence proved. I'm more possessive about my writing than you are.
Lol.

Table tennis is my favourite sport. I can play that with men.
Lol

Don't think of something rubbish in this too. You people are very idiot. I keep saying something and then again something.

Why do you have to always think in one direction. Explore ya!

foot prints

Be it small or large,
Pairs of a foot print always similar.
Prints of ego,
Prints of shyness,
Prints of dislike.
Or be it
Prints of love,
Prints of care,
Prints of worry.
In a man made floor,
Stuggling for exsistance.
Sometimes bearing
And sometimes daring.
So innocent, so beautiful.
Every step side by side.
Never trying to mix with each other,
But always together!
But always together!
But always together!

Ps:From my old dairy. Wrote in 2010 around.

Rubbish

What I am feeling right now is something I shouldn't.
I mean who knows the the feeling of numbness at this time in life. People at this time are busy.
Busy being in love, busy finding love, busy faking I love, busy understanding one.
Some watch different laughter channels which I can't hate any more.
People watching hollywood bollywood movies.
People marrying, people dating.
But what I am bothered right now is my notepad isn't fast enough. I know this is weird.
Im weird.
The type of love I want can't exsist. Trust me I have had all judged and checked.
Even if you find one you can't have one.
Its not like I'm feeling lonely before. Just that these days its more frequent.
These days things entertain me less.
I'm becoming less materialistic. Good for me. But what about me being happy.
Feels like Im not at the right place now. I think Im needed somewhere more badly. Good thing is I know. Bad thing is I don't know about what to do.

Mess I guess but one day

Someday i'll have nothing but to read you. That someday will come.
Soon.
Not  today.
I get it.

Someday i'll have patience to understand you.
Not today.
Today I've barely made a par.
But someday.
I hope i'll meet your expectations.
My bad I let it exsist in first place.
I shouldn't have.
Does that matter anymore.
Oneday i'll write after I understand.
That day my eloquence will breathe.
I'm not sure that day will come.

Someday i'll understand each and every line.
Because my expectations are undoubtedly higher.
I know I haven't measured yet.
I know.
Nothing can measure, not even near to what I am trying to say.

Everyone I know goes away in the end.

Why am I not feeling the pain,
that familiar  rush in my veins.
Why is my heart beating alright.
Why did you have to leave,
when the best was just to come.

Wanted to feel like I used to , just for the last time.
It  didn't  have to end so peacefully,
Remember,
We once used to be in each other ,  so madly.

Why am I not complaining so bad,
And not missing any of the memories we had.
Why am I not feeling the pain,
that familiar  rush in my veins.

I know,
the worst was yet come.
Still,
Wanted to screem and cry,
And make sure , it really ment to me.
Why did you take away that right from me.

Why am I not feeling the pain,
that familiar  rush in my veins.
Why is my heart beating alright?

Dance with me. Once!

Last night I had a dream!
I saw me write a perfect article. 

More of an answer, though it had to be hidden according to my dream.
I'm sharing it. :)

I know not where to begin because it was all so vague. 
I was trying to find a place to live in.
I saw a few. 
Houses with giant doors. 
Houses with ancient artwork.
I finally decided to stay in one of them.  Now came the room issue. 
People were not ready to adjust with me. 
This I saw very very clear. 
Then I saw a temple.
Then blood.* a big black ant bit me in my right hand's index finger's tip*

Then my love loving me back , yet not accepting it openly. 

Whatever it is that I have done to make you do this to me. Forgive me!

Then the house of my dreams.
I've seen that house in my dreams like forever now. 

I have a life with you.
The nature wants us both together.
This universe wants us both together.     

Come!
Let us be an example to all those people who fake to be in love but barely know the essence of it.

Come! 
For we are meant to be in each other. 

Come! 
I have waited my entire life for  this to happen. 

Come! 
Because thats only how my whole world can come to rest.

Every bit belongs to me and no other person

You strike my mind like an old song,
I keeping singing every now and then,
Which I too, am not sure, begin when.

I felt you were so, tall and admired you from the moment I saw you.

Those spectacles you owned,
made me go crazy.
And baby,
it seems only yesterday,
I dared to text you,
And you responded so well,
And I kept falling deeper in that hell.

And I couldn't help, but blush ever since.
Luckily we talked on the test day,
And I Could clearly feel the change on my way.

Days passed by so so soon,
You looking at me,
was never the same again,
And my wish to have picture with you never came true.
At last when you came to see me  off,
I couldn't help but hug you,
All the complains,
washed off with my tears.

Only remembering,
Those spectacles you owned,
Which made me go crazy,
And baby,
You strike my mind like and old song,
I keep singing every now and then,
Which I too am not sure begin when.

I'm a.....

Girls are girls. Also can have valid twitter account. Mine is @bournviIIe_rana
Try not to have trust issues all the time.
Am I reading my mind for the first time in my life?
I have so much stuff to share.
* maa kasam khatam hi nai ho raha *

May be I've cried for the last time.
May be i'll never lose it again.
Wealth sucks so does poverty.
And music, I'll still listen to it.
It might mean something else from now on.

I ain't proud of what I am today, but I'm  not interested in being someone else.
Trust me.
I've had all my options.
I love myself a pinch more than anybody else in this world.
Last but not the least, I choose twitter among all social media.
I was born on.
Yeah!  You'll never know.
I neither take nor give anything for free except medical help.

You are the true spirit of sport.

When people show you love and admire you for your achievements, even the radicals and racist can't find a reason, not to praise you with whole heart and your fame is accepted beyond boundaries of nation, colour or gender, only then you become the true champion. People in the coming centuries will read you in history and I find myself lucky enough along with the other people, who have witnessed you . Only few such legends are born and only one makes it this big with dedication and hard work. You are an inspiration  @MichaelPhelps.

Forgotten

With each breath that I've survived ,
from the moment you made me make you leave,
gives me vague relief.

You being there,
it was so much easier.

Only that it passed with flash of comfort,
Yet, made me forget how to  have a life without you.

Donno how long will I be able to hide myself in disguise,
Or how much will I be able endure this curse.
Life ahead of me feels so cold now.

Soon no longer will I know
who you are,
Or even forget what you ment to me,
But I'm  not sure if i'll be finding another reason for my heart to go on.
And i'll definitely try to resist,
it if not help myself redeem it.

Part of me is lost now, survival seems so burdensome.
Wondering,
Did It make any difference,
That my heart knew, this would happen.

It was so much easier,
You being there.

With each breath that I've survived ,
from the moment you made me, make you leave,
gives me a vague relief.

here is my story

... evenings dark  yellowish red sun penetrates my heart.
   
The cool dry bridges rubs my skin.
It chokes me and wakes me up from the deapest sleep  of siesta.
And I happen to feel nothing for a while.

Then slowly  I muster up courage to breath and dare to get out of my numbness and touch the deep  hole  i've in my chest  and that it would never fill  no matter what.

No matter I  get the fullfillment for a while or forever ,eternity  of time seems  inadequate.
Moments seem  fading away fast,

faster than I could gather up some ,

for the rest of my breath  to hold on. 

And then it takes the fullest of my efforts to come out of my missing and smile.