A poor baby inside me cries!

Oh time !
Tell me, what would you have asked ,
to stop exactly when the baby inside me cried.
And how unbearable was your justice,
You did hurt an nonplused innocent,
Who have had no practice.
Tell me why didn't things change so frequently,
Why after so long my love disappeared instantly.
When I didn't know how important,
I was to someone.
And now that I know,
I am hardly anyone.
No one knows nor can I explain, how hard,
every moment I die.
And I'm definitely not strong enough to speak a lie.
Yes,
a poor baby inside me cries.

Once I judged a man wrong. Once!

I am very specific when it comes to choose people I care about.
It really does not matter to me whether they care back or not.
I've never been wrong, upon judging a person wrong but once.
Judging someone is not one my favourite hobbies though but I love to do it when I am   to  give someone a place in my heart.
I have strong instinct of finding out whether I'm gonna love that person or not. It really isn't a matter whether that person is gonna like me or not or even give me a place in his heart back. He just have to be kind a person and ofcourse a person of my choice. The list  of qualities is bit weird though but that's how it is.

Sometimes I can make it out at once  that he/she is a person of my choice and I'm gonna love him/her my whole life.
I've never regreted my choice till date.
Only once I happened to have crush on this guy, who I often used to talk.
Proper attitude is the first thing I look for a person if I'm to be involved in a conversation with.
So, coming back to my wrong judgment which happened few months back. It turned out that he was not even kind to care if I was alive or dead. That much you even do to strangers if you find out that something is wrong with him/her just for sake of it.
"If that's what they say is expectations, then yes I do expect at least this much from a person that are known to me otherwise who gives a damn whether you care or not"!
It turned out that he didn't even leave me text even when we shared phone contacts that to once we were into a lot of conversation. I agree that most of the time it was me who pinged him, which was obvious as I had a crush on him since college and I never expected anything but just a bit of kindness, as I presumed he had some humanity in him which was the first reason I thought, I fell for him.
And one fine day(today), I've decided that I was completely wrong. Now I judge him as an proper, so called jerk.
Mind you, I don't even give that title too, often too. Only a few lucky one's get that from me. I have a few people I love and almost none who I hate or be jealous of. If you are among those tinni tinny number, you should be glad. I can bet on that.

You are nowhere...!

Your presence makes me live all again.
All my efforts to avoid you, goes in vain.
.
No moment passes without your existence.
Your ignorance for even a second, makes me loose all my patience.
.
Something deep inside my heart says you are there,
Despite knowing very well that you are nowhere...
.
Why do you want me to be left up with nothing.
Do you find pleasure, to leave my soul struggling.
.
I'm fed up of pretending, when things are just not fine.
Is this your dare or all the faults are mine,to believe...
You are there,despite knowing very well that you are nowhere.

There was time when I used to breathe you.
My ears were desperate to listen you.
You were all that I needed to be glad.
when I woke up in the evenings.
.
You were there, when I showed my love.
And then to care, how much I hated you.
.
All is the same,
I still want you to be there,
May be even more.
.
But the only difference is,
Now you are nowhere.

... forgot to build the road before getting lost!

Is it possible that everything is true.
Me in the verge of end.
I'm barely thinking of how much my presence is gonna matter.
Is it over?
Have done all.
Have I felt all.
Scary thing, nothing is left to discover anymore from hatred to love.
If only dieing was easy enough.
“Literally dieing might be difficult“.
But I'm already broke now, from within.
May be thats what they say, “it's a part of being grown up“.

Scariest part is I'm not afraid, not afraid of letting the kid in me leave.
.
My life is stuck somewhere.
Nothingness is all I have.
All is so messed up that I don't even know how to express how I feel.
Or even discover anymore what hurts.
It has become so bad that I'm looking for escapism.
Im lost without building a road back!

Lucky me.

Did something to find out how lost a follower is when he likes or comments to one of his favourite celebrity.

I accepted all the pending requests on facebook today and still doing it... I'm tired but i'll accept all of it.

The sad part is, I found out that it is almost impossible to interact with each one of them.
Not because they deliberately do it but they have no choice.
So difficult it is to read how each and everyone reacts  about your feeling and thoughts except the few lucky ones.

You can't answer to everyone or like or reply to them.
Now I understand how a celeb thing on social media goes,at least 0.1% of it.

After going through all this, today I found out there's nothing much you can do.
How poor this notification thing turns out to be on just a little large scale.

P. S. : I uninstalled my messenger today. I'm really sorry to all of you whose call  I couldn't attend or the message I couldn't reply to. But you all will be my friends and I'll try to interact with you all as much as possible.

An inning of memories with cricket.

Going back to my memories, whenever there was a cricket tournament going on it would irritate me a lot. (specially if it were a Sunday, because I didn't get to watch my favorite tv show) 
      It wasn't like I hated cricket or something but I was too young to understand even the simplest of the rules.
Not having much choice I however would sometimes sit with everyone and watch it. One day my father asked me if I did understand it, and I don't know how come I was able to say at least this much that there were six balls in an over and there were total of fifty overs.
After that I started watching it regularly and that was when Dhoni was new. He had just entered  his golden period of his games. I found his innings awesome with Yuvraj. I have many of his century days all learned up.
By that time I was all into cricket.
I understood the rules, not all of them but most of it, just enough, in order to enjoy it.
    One of my classmates during that time was a big fan of Dhoni. She was all like, I want to marry him and stuff. She always used to correct me pronounce it 'dhwoni' and not 'dhuni':D. Not just her, all of a sudden that whole school time was all about cricket.
All know what Dhoni has given to the Indian cricket since then. I like his smile. He seldom does have a reaction in his face but when he does that, its so nice to watch him:)
I remember it was my boards the other day and I watched the world cup the whole time. It was legendary to watch India win.
Then his contributions to 20-20 cricket format is well known to all. I however didn't watch test cricket very much though still want to thank him for everything he has given to India as player and most importantly as a captain.
I however watch less cricket as compared to before.
I have had my crush on players of which most of them are retired now like Andrew Flintoff, Daniel Vettori, Brett Lee and the list goes on./*I have news paper cuttings of articles and some awesome pics collected in my old diary;) */

We are lucky to have witnessed legends like Sachin Dendulkar play and Indian team winning world cup of which Mahendra Singh Dhoni was an incredible part of and lot lot more.

P. S. :  I wish to see Dhoni play more and more. His quitting captaincy from all formats now is really heartbreaking though he is a man with right decisions at the right time and I welcome it.

figuring out fate...

Now when I start writing this, I truly believe in something called fate.
What I passed through in the couple of months has nothing to do with any of you reading this but then, I assure you it will make more and more sense to you as I go on...
Watch carefully if you have passed through this phase of life and more carefully if you haven't because it will surely help.
        All I want you to do is  not  to judge me untill I complete this.
There will be times in your life when you won't know what is it  with everything going wrong.
You'll barely have any idea what your life is heading to.
It will make you want something so much that you could have never imagined of or better say wished having before.
Somehow or the other way you'll be where you don't even agree at all, that you belong there.
You'll have to accept things the way they are.
You won't have anyone's shoulder to cry on.
You'll have to act in a particular manner, you won't t have a choice either.
That my friend is how I'm definining destiny or fate.
        My perception about it has changed so much that I can write a book on it,but then I too won't have patience to go through it, forget about others.
So lets not divert from the topic in which I imphasised fate so much.
yes I do believe it.
But then again wait, even after going all through this your faith in karma should still remain the same. Sooner or later fate will bow before it. Keep on doing the right things.Have patience before karma pays you back, because as they say all good to them those who wait. I am waiting too...