I beg a for forgiveness from myself to me .

You know what else i feel bad about, the fact I thought that I loved you. But the more I realize now that it was not love the more I feel suffocated, and drenched. Of all the beauty that you could see there you chose to remind me how I should behave and that there were particular boundaries to my wings. It's not that I hate you now. I just, will never be able to forgive myself for being in a dalima for so long. No, a life time or nine won't be enough to forget or forgive myself for the sufferings i've caused me or that I am facing right now, after realizing that my life has been a lie for so long Forgiving others is a easy thing to do, at least for me but forgiving myself for the miseries i put me through in terms of emotions and feelings is gonna haunt me more and more as time will pass by. But i don't complain. May be it was you who loved me and later on you could not accept my flaws and that's okay but it was not okay when you should have left straight away and you didn't. You kept me there, you saw me suffering and crying but watched it all happen and then when I should  have known it, I didn’t. I chose to remain ignorant. I still don't know anything for sure. All I am doing is going by my instinct. I have a strong instinct of how others, specially the one I'm attached to feels and thinks  about me. I could be wrong but the vibes that I get if I've hurt someone is so strong that I could melt and now Imagine the heat i feel for having hurt myself.